Did I say simple was easy?
by SSUqbar
Summary: AU of chamber of secrets. OOC Lockhart and Dumbledore. Injuried Snape, confused McGonagall and Pomfrey. Last chapter is about as dark as my new form of usual...
1. The Meeting

**Chapter 1: The Meeting**

To say that I was not looking forward to this private meeting with Dumbledore and Lockhart, would be an understatement. I was about to knock as the headmaster called for me to enter, Lockhart was already present inside the office.

"You wished to see me headmaster?"

"Indeed Severus, I was hoping you would be willing to assist Professor Lockhart with a marvellous idea he's had." I glared at the professor who merely widened his smile, which made me narrow my eyes even further.

"And what could this marvellous idea have to do with me?" my voice as always was dripping with sarcasm; and as usual Lockhart seemed completely oblivious.

"I want you to be my assistant." His voice almost had a girly quality to it.

"Assistant? For what?"

"A duelling club." His smile had continuously gotten broader over the cause of the conversation. I continued my staring although it was disdainful this time.

"Now Gilderoy, perhaps Severus would prefer the term accomplice rather than assistant." I snorted as Lockhart's smile mysteriously disappeared.

"Headmaster Dumbledore, assistant sounds far more professional than accomplice," the man had the nerve to glare at me.

"It may to you, but at sounds childish to me."

"We are effectively teaching twelve year olds to duel; they won't care." At least Lockhart and myself where for once on the same page; although I did wonder about the headmaster.

"Then why can't this wait until next year?" due to the incompetence of the `teacher' next to me, was left unsaid by me; however the headmaster could tell what I meant.

"Because Severus, it must be done now."

"Due to resent events I take it?"

"Unfortunately yes Severus."

"Fine," I bowed my head as I left the discomfort of the headmaster's office. Although I heard him thank me as the door slammed behind me.


	2. Hoped it was a dream

**Chapter 2: Hoped it was a dream.**

There was a proud knock on my door, no matter how much I wanted to hide I could not.  
"Enter Lockhart,"

"How did you know it was me?" I looked up from the paper I was grading, maybe I could have some fun with this; "You have too much iron in your blood, I can smell it." I knew the Hufflepuff's believed me to be a vampire and I knew he was gullible enough to fall for it.

"Really?" I was pleased that there was a look of fear in his eyes.

"No, you have a distinctive knock. Now what do you want, I am busy."

"I could do with your input on this club." I groaned as he sat in the only other chair in my office opposite my desk. "What?"

"I had hoped that meeting had been a dream."

"Why because I was in it?" the grin he flashed was sickening.

"No, because that way it wasn't real and then I wouldn't have to work with an egotistical maniac like you; now out I have things to do."

"Yes like insulting me."

"No that's just an added bonus, now out." As the door shut behind him I realised I'd probably deflated his ego a fair bit but we would have to wait and see.


	3. What if I crucio'd you?

**Chapter 3: What if I crucio'd you?**

It had taken a week to plan this bloody duelling club, and that was only because I mentioned that the headmaster had ordered it. It had finally been organised to be the third Saturday of the month at five in the evening, Lockhart had already got the house-elves to deal with the décor. Despite it supposing to be as realistic as possible the stage had already been set – quite literally – I could only let it happen as I shook my head in disbelief.  
Our little duel was over too quickly as my simple expelliarmus overpowered him, although had I not agreed to no dark spells, nor curses or magic in general; Lockhart would have been on this way to the hospital wing in a matchbox, and by the looks of it he knew this as he brushed himself off. Glaring at me as if I had just committed some horrendous crime, I sent a challenging stare back.

"Professor Snape, might I ask what would you do if I sent a crucio in your direction?" I was now aware that this theory had just become to the death.

"Well that would depend on whether this hypothetical is a fight to the death or simply wounding the pride of your target." I was unaware of the growing staff audience as my outer robe was discarded much like Lockhart's own.

"To the death of course."

"Well then it would be blocked and a killing curse would be an appropriate retaliation."

"And if it couldn't be blocked; or re-directed?" damn, I had been about to suggest that, perhaps Lockhart had more theory skill than I realised. I prayed that this did not actually become reality – there would be too many variables.

"Then the curse would have to be endured." I did not like where this was going at all.

"I suppose given your former work, you'd be screaming in agony." I knew it was not meant as a question, more a promise.

"If from you, more likely hissing in extreme discomfort." Before I was actually prepared for this unusual practise, I felt the agonising truth of the cruciatus cruse. I hadn't realised that Lockhart's wand had been raised as mine was still limply held at my side. I refused to open my mouth as my knees finally gave way after what felt like an eternity. I could hear dull screams from Minerva as she attempted to stop the curse. Only after a prolonged hiss escaped my lips did the pain die, as I attempted to sit up I was pushed back down again. An explosion of pain erupted throughout my body, most prominently in my right shoulder and my back.

"Severus I'm sorry; I should have stopped him sooner." I nodded as I rolled over to cough in an attempt to clear my rattled breathing; only to see pools of blood on the floor where I had coughed. Unfortunately Minerva had also seen it.  
"I'm taking you to Poppy." I made so signs of disagreement until she made to move my right shoulder, when I growled at her. I didn't wish to open my mouth that would only lead to awkward questions and even more awkward answers.


	4. Too many injuries

**Chapter 4: Too many injuries…**

Speaking of those awkward questions, I knew Poppy would run a full diagnostic spell on me – while I was in a cooperative mood. I could see her eyes widen as she got the results back; a piece of parchment nearly twice my arm's length – then I realised it was double sided.

"Severus, as much as I like this silent you; I do miss that cutting tongue of yours." I could feel my tongue stitching itself back together in my mouth, it was easier to breath although it was no less painful.

"Thankyou."

"Snape, I know you don't want to discuss this but why didn't you block this?"

"I wasn't expecting that incompetent fool to know an extinct dark curse and with such fierce anger behind it."

"Didn't expect it? But you're trained…"

"Just because I'm trained does not mean that I don't have human tendencies." She knew what I was saying.

"You went into shock?"

"I don't remember; I remember talking theory and pain but nothing in the middle. There was something in the middle, wasn't there?"

"Yes, you not defending yourself from an evil spell that opened every old wound you've ever had; and then akin to putting salt and acid in all of them at once."

"That would explain the pain."

"Yes it would; now which of these injuries are before Hogwarts, and I want dates if they're to be filed properly."

"Too many." I whispered.

"I'm sorry?"

"Too many injuries Poppy! I try to forget, I don't want to remember!" I turned away from her, tucking myself into a small ball, I wasn't fully aware that she hadn't gone as I began crying – which was something I hadn't done since I was fifteen.

"Severus why did he do these things?"

"Who?"

"I'd assume your father. Didn't he like magic?"

"He didn't like anything much."

"Lily knew didn't she?"

"She guessed, you guessed; McGonagall guessed. Only I knew."

"What made him whip you?"

"Accidental magic, I was four I think; he was drunk kept on hitting mother to much screaming, pain; it hurt to hear. I wanted to sleep, so I made him stop."

"You killed your father when you were four?"

"What? NO! I just sent him to sleep for a bit."

"I remember you saying he had died but I couldn't…"

"Sixteen, Poppy. It was natural causes or as close as alcohol poisoning can be anyway."

"And what happened to your mother?"

"The last pureblood Prince. Suicide, five." The hospital wing door slammed open as a rather irate McGonagall stormed past my bed and came to a stop next to Pomfrey. There was no noise as they whispered discreetly to each other, I didn't try to hear until the medi-witch noticeably paled.

"Minerva what have you said to Poppy that makes her look like she needs to sit down?"

"I didn't realise you were still here Severus."

"Clearly. I apologise for interrupting your meeting but the question remains," I caught a small nod from Pomfrey, apparently giving the Transfigurations Professor permission to continue.

"Albus refuses to fire Lockhart, he seems to be implying that you provoked him."

"Who? Albus or the fool?" there was a little chuckle beside Minerva – who smiled slightly also.

"The fool of course, now I know you didn't provoke him since you were talking theory; but why didn't you defend yourself?"

"Went into shock." There was a minutes silence as the information sunk in.

"You went into shock?" Minerva wasn't particularly quiet about this piece of news.

"Yes, now keep your voice down, headache." This comment was completely ignored by the Gryffindor head, who continued yelling as if her life depended on it.

"But your Severus Snape, you do not do into shock, ever, and most certainty not during a duel."

"Sometimes I think people forget I'm human." I sighed before looking at Professor McGonagall and Madame Pomfrey,

"Particularly the students from your houses."

"What do you mean the students in our houses?"

"And I don't have a house."

"Let me simplify this for you both, the Hufflepuff's think me a vampire; the Gryffindor's think me some heartless bat-like git who would gladly use them as potions ingredients."

"What about your snakes and Ravenclaw's?"

"My house know that I can get extremely anger at very short notice and the Ravenclaw's are sensible enough to not push me; since all four houses know from experience that I am not a pleasant person."

"I take it there is a difference between heartless and being a pleasant individual."

"Of course there is! Everyone has bad days including the headmaster; it's just I'm tired of being evil." Clearly the headmaster had heard my whining voice; as he thundered through the hospital wing doors which slammed against the walls, somehow shaking the portraits that lined those same walls.

"Your tired of being evil?! Then it's simple isn't it Severus?" I looked at Dumbledore doubtfully, my true lord was having an off day.

"Is it?"

"Yes, just don't be evil."

"But it's not that easy," I could feel myself losing the edge on reality; my voice and mask where cracking.

"Did I say simple was easy?"


End file.
